Stop Whining!

Some people need a life. I mean really, it seems that all some folks want to do is whine. Well, I am going to whine about the whiners. You know who they are, the ones who are so insecure that they have to start some controversy over something that is really petty.

I recently read where a McDonalds in Raleigh had the phrase “Jesus is the reason for the season” on their sign and a woman was offended by it and demanded that the restaurant take it down. I also just found out another person complained to an airport and made them remove their Christmas tree. To people like this, all I can say is, YOU NEED A LIFE! With all the real problems going on in the world this is the only thing you can think of to fight against? Society is struggling with teen pregnancy, drugs, drunk drivers, abusive spouses, aides, gangs, wars, child abuse, date rape, welfare abuse, cancer and natural disasters and the greatest task you can think of to devote your time and resources on is attacking someone’s faith? What a waste. We are living in a country that is called the melting pot, a country that is made up of all different kinds of nationalities and religions and a country where people should have the freedom to express their nationality or religion as long as that expression doesn’t harm anyone. What harm is that sign doing, or that Christmas tree, or someone saying Merry Christmas? What will you move onto next, having crosses removed from churches because you have to see it as you drive by? Are you going to force the radio stations to stop playing Christmas Carols or selling items with the word Christmas on it?

If you don’t want to devote yourself to one of the greater problems in our world, why not at least come against something that will help this country stay great and because you obviously have a hard time coming up with worth wild causes here are a few suggestions.

1 Create a move to rid the world of people who play that thumpin’ loud music with the vulgar lyrics at the gas stations and stop lights?
2 Rid the world of business answering machines that make us press a dozen numbers before we can speak to a real live person
3 Boycott boys who wear pants that are ten times too big for them without a belt.

Ok now I am starting to whine. The bottom line folks is that there are real problems we can focus on that can make a difference. Find one, devote yourself to it, and stop attacking a faith that has been so instrumental in the development of our great country.

Beaner?

Last night I was channel surfing a bit, (I usually watch a couple of shows at a time) I came across a Mexican comedian who called himself a "Beaner". That alone made me chuckle but the next thing he said almost made me fall on the floor. He said he was going to drive a NASCAR and have his sponsor be "Spic and Span"! He went on to say that black drivers should have "Churches Chicken" be their sponsors and white people should have "Salteen Crackers" be theirs. In a time when people are complaining about the different races up rises a man who make us laugh at them. Praise God! Why shouldn't we focus on things that put a smile on our face instead of the things that make us frown? No we shouldn't talk derogatory or put people down for any reason, especially their race but we can find laughter in truth. And laughter is good medicine according to Gods word. Just when I had to deal with the race issue in my own church, here is a guy making me laugh about the different races, including my own. Good timing God!

Besides, seeing something negative when we see someone of a different race is being ignorant. It is stopping short and putting the blame for something negative on a person because of the color of their skin or their nationality instead of where it belongs. Sin is sin, I don't care what color you are. Yes I have a problem with lazy people who take advantage of a government program and make it a lifestyle regardless of skin color. Yes I have a problem with dead beat dads, I have a problem with alcohol ruining lives and families and I have a problem with drug pushers and users. I have a problem with people breaking the law and coming into our country illegally and getting benefits. I have a problem with prostitution and girls who give themselves to any guy who asks and I have a problem with a group of people who want to do harm and destruction. There are a lot of problems in this world but you know what? Every problem we can ever find can be found all over the world being done by every race.

You want the problems to go away? Focus on the problem not the skin color or nationality and remember, "Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12

Maybe the Chinese should get the restaurant "Checkers" to sponsor their NASCAR?
Get it? Chinese-Checkers? Oh well, maybe I will stay away from the comedy scene.

The older I get, the more change I see

I am heading fast toward the big 5-0 whatever that means. I don't feel much older then I did when I was 30 or even 25 for that matter. I couldn't run a mile very well when I was 16 and I still can't, so I guess I am still doing OK and... I did a handstand for the children in church the other week and am not in traction!

Anyway, the only thing I do see changing is my lack of desire to beat around the bush. I suddenly have this desire to be bolder and more confrontational than I have ever been before. I guess some can say that it is because my time is getting shorter, But I think I am seeing that all the pussyfooting around isn't really working. I also took a hard look at Jesus and His ministry and see that He never beat around the bush. He came hard and fast against sin, especially with the religious folks. He didn't worry about being politically correct he worried about peoples souls and the destruction they were causing not only in their life, but in those around them as well.

So... I guess you will be seeing a side of me that may be a bit firmer, and a bit more to the point. I still love people the same, I just am going to shoot straight from the hip, tell it like it is and move on.

I had my website redesigned as well, I don't know why, just wanted something different. Take a look: www.bobwagner.org

Things that make me say Duh!

Ok, this is nothing spiritual and for most it is just entertainment but I wanted to get it off my chest.

The longer I live the more I learn and the more learn, the more I see things that make me say Duh! As a matter of fact, I have been gathering information to one day write a book called none other than; "Things that make me say Duh!" It will be filled with things like:

When people push an elevator button that is already lit. Wasn't my push good enough for them?

Signs that say, "Bear or Deer Crossing". Be honest, do you ever look at how fast you are going and suddenly say, Oh! I better slow down, or for the next 2 miles do you take your eyes off the road to look for bear or deer? I have been driving for over 32 years and have NEVER seen a deer come out near the signs, including the ones I hit! Why not make signs that say, Warning! There are Pot Holes Ahead because we spent our money putting up ridiculous signs instead of fixing them.

Fuel Prices Why is it that the price of everything else goes down when the demand goes up but when the demand for fuel goes up, so do the prices? Makes me want to slap someone. I know, that wasn't Christian like, yeah but it was honest and that is Christian like.

Boys that wear pants that are 5 times too big for them They can't run or even walk without holding onto them or they have to stop and pull them up every 3 steps. Let's see, I can buy pants that fit but I don't want too. I can buy a belt to hold them up, but I don't want to do that either. It must be an excuse not to help someone carry something. "I'd help you with that, but my pants will fall down, so I will just stand here holding them up while you do all the work." I don't know maybe I am just getting old. I had bell bottoms with fringes and a vest and a shag haircut, but at least my clothes fit!

Warnings on products that anyone with a half a brain would already know On an Iron: Do not use on clothes you are wearing. On a package of peanuts: Warning! This package may contain nuts and do we still need to tell everyone that a cup of hot coffee may be hot and that if you spill the hot cup of coffee that it may burn you? Duh!

Directions in Braille on a drive up ATM. Even if a blind person would somehow manage to use a drive up ATM, Money and the receipts don't come in Braille and while we are on the subject, almost every sign and room number in hospitals are in Braille. Has anyone ever, at any time in your life, come across a blind person in a hospital that was not accompanied by someone else. I think, and it may just be me, but if a blind person ever did wander away and got lost, they just might ask someone to assist them before searching for and reading every sign and room number they can feel. Picture a blind person searching for a sign 4"x8" on a wall in your mind and tell me you don't laugh. Folks, they are blind, not foolish, they will ask for help.

Anyway, I just wanted to get that off my chest. If you come across anything that makes you say "Duh" pass them on to me and I will post them. bobwagner@bobwagner.org

Persistence Pays

Over the years many people have asked me; "When do you stop trying and give up?" My reply is always the same, "You stop trying when you stop breathing" Just because what you are doing is not working, it doesn't mean that you cannot succeed at the task. Rather it may just be the approach you are taking isn't the right approach for that specific task, or it may not be the right approach for you and your personality. Of course I am not referring to things that are impossible for us because of mental or physical disabilities; those things we place our trust in God and then never give up on Him. I am referring to the realistic things that we are able to complete and for whatever reason can't. Loosing weight, quitting smoking, earning more money, exercising, finding a mate, finding that perfect job, and things like these.

Just because you tried something a few times and didn't succeed doesn't mean you can't succeed. All it means is you found another way that doesn't work for you. Why not try a different approach and if that doesn't work, try another and if that doesn't work another. Keep this up until you find what DOES work for you.

Be patient
Be patient with what you are doing as well. I know many people try something once or twice and weren't satisfied with the outcome and quit. Then use that old Cliche' "I guess it wasn't meant to be." Bologna!Remember the scripture: To whom much is given, much is required? The greater the task, the more effort we have to put into it. Keep in mind the authors of Chicken Soup for the Soul got turned down by over 145 Publishers before they found the right one, Thomas Edison found almost a thousand ways that a lightbulb will not work and Colonel Sanders was in his 70s when KFC became a success; the list goes on and on. Those who succeed at a task, whatever it is are only those who didn't quit and pressed on until the found what worked.

What have you given up on? Isn't today a great day to start trying again? Who knows, this may the time you get your breakthrough!

"I would rather try something and find it didn't work than try nothing and succeed"

Is that Really the Best you can do?

We have all said it a time or two in our life, "I did my best". But are we honest. Did we do the best we could do? Did we do all we could to improve what we are doing? Have we exhausted every possible situation , every possible resource? Have we learned all there is to learn. Or can we do better?

Those questions are what separates the top leaders in their field from everyone else. Most people do all they really desire to do and just say that it is their best. The top producers are never satisfied with where they are at. They ask themselves questions like; "Can I do better? Can I improve myself? Can my health get better? Can my financial situation get better or can I become better at this task? They constantly ask themselves; "Am I the best that can be in this area of my life?"

Today, ask yourself if you are doing the best that you can do at:

Your Job.
Are there things you can do that will make you more valuable? Can you learn more, or become more efficient at what you do? What can you do to earn more money. If you are not the top earner in your field you are settling for less than your potential and depriving yourself and your family from a better lifestyle. If you are a giver, you are also depriving those in need of additional blessings as well. If you are the top earner, is it not possible to push the top even higher?

Your relationships.
Are you the best spouse that you can be? The best parent, the best friend? Think about all of the broken families that might still be together if each spouse did what it took to be the very best husband or wife they can be? Think about the children that might still be home, off drugs and not thinking about suicide if every parent became the best. Think about all the friends we would still have if we didn't cut them off when they did something wrong and tried harder to reconcile our differences.

Your faith.
Are you the best Christian you can be? Do you really know enough about God, do you really know Him as well as He would like and do you really spend enough time with Him?

Your Health.
Are you really treating your body the best you can. Have you really tried your best to stop smoking, eating better or get on that exercise program or did you try a time or two and quit?

Todays exercize
Write on a sheet of paper the areas of your life that you feel needs the most improvement and then build a plan to become better in those areas. Attend seminars, read books, get advice or go to school. Don't stop until you've made an improvement in that area and then go onto the next. When you have finished, start all over again.

You owe it to yourself, your family and to your creator to become the very best you can be.

Isn't today the perfect day to start? After all why would anyone want to settle for something less than best?

If you need some pointers to get you going, drop me a line. bobwagner@bobwagner.org

Ladies, Stop Being a Stumbling Block!

There are reasons we are to avoid the appearance of evil. It is not only to keep from looking un-Christ like to the world; but ladies it also prevents you from sending bad signals.

This may be a touchy subject for many, but it needs to be addressed. There are way too many women who dress as though they have other men on their mind rather than the things of God, (Matt. 16:23) especially in church. Improper attire may cause certain men to take their eyes off of God and put them on you, and it can possibly cause those who are weak and not able to turn their head to lust, and when those things happen it not only causes men to sin, it makes the woman a stumbling block. You know when you look in the mirror how you look, you know how much skin is showing and how tight your clothing is. What you may not realize is the depth of what you are doing when you dress so provocatively. There is a great difference in dressing to look good and dressing to look attractive. Looking attractive is to dress in such a way as to be a magnet and attract the eyes of others, looking good is when others take the time time to look at you they see a well dressed person. Can you see the difference? One way pulls eyes toward you and the other is after their eyes come in contact with you.

Here is a tip; don'’t dress like you want to give it away or sell it if it isn'’t free or for sale. Jesus said we will have stumbling blocks placed before us, but woe to him who the stumbling block comes from. (Matt.18:7)

He also said that if a man looks at a woman with lust in his heart, he has already committed adultery. So if you are dressing in a way that is causing men to lust after you; young lady you are a stumbling block and Jesus said "“Woe to you."”

You are a stumbling block if your shirt is cut too low revealing too much breast or you don't wear a bra and your shirt is so thin it is almost see through. You are a stumbling block if your pants look like they are painted on and men can see every crease and fold of your skin. You are a stumbling block if your skirt is so short you have to keep pulling it down and you are a stumbling block if you wear your pants so low that men can see your thong or that tattoo you placed on the small of your back that yells "“Look at me"” to everyone.

Ladies, I am not trying to be one sided and if seeing young men holding onto their granddads pants to keep them from falling down, and seeing their boxers hanging out "“Turns You on", I will address that in my next letter. I am however tired of men taking all the wrap when the ladies know exactly what they are doing when they dress and act the way they do. You not only cause married men to take their eyes off their wife but you may also be pushing passion buttons in single men causing them to seek a sinful relationship.

Yes the men will pay for their weakness, but don'’t you forget girls, the stumbling block will pay as well. I use that famous quote; "Forgive them Father they know not what they do" one time with people before I explain what they do. Ladies, if you just read this article, you now know exactly what you do. Please dress appropriately. For mens sake as well as your own.

If you have self esteem issues and feel that the only way to get someone to pay attention to you is by flaunting your body, please seek council. Talk with your pastor AND his wife or another godly woman.

Matthew 16:23 Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

Matthew 18:7 "Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes!

P.S. If you know of any women that need to read this, please pass it on to them.

Don't sell yourself short!

Today I was notified that my article "Ten Ways to Keep that Fire Burning" made it on the top 200 list of syndicated articles. I got excited until I went to the list and found out that it ranked 143 out of 200, only 57 from the bottom of the list. Not much of an accomplishment I thought.
Then I looked at how many articles were submitted and my tune changed again. Over 72,000! Now instead of being 57 from the bottom I was in front of over 71,857 other articles! Talk about a difference. I thought the bottom was just below me and boy was I wrong!

If I didn't see the other side of the statistics, I may have stopped writing altogether because it looked as though I didn't have a chance at all of being successful at it.

How many times do people measure success using the wrong ruler?
How many live a life of depression because of a false sense of self worth?
How many stop short of something because they think success is so far away?

If you think everyone else is making more money than you; did you know that if you have some spare change in your car ashtray or on your dresser you are wealthier than over 90% of all the people on earth? So quit comparing yourself to the 10% of the population and look how you fair over the real numbers and keep on growing.

Are you complaining about all the people you know that have a nicer and bigger home than you? Did you know that 2.6 million people live in their cars? If you compare your home to theirs you are doing pretty good now aren't you?

Your marriage not what it should be? 56% are unhealthy, it's not just yours. So lay down the attitude that it is only you and your marriage and seek council so you can stay in the 46 percentile.

Your teen doesn't communicate the way they used to? No it may not be that you are a slack parent, most teens go though stages where they think they are "All That" or don't need anyone telling them anything. Calm down, they will get though it. Just love them anyway and stop feeling like a failure and get some advice.

The bottom line is that there is always something we can look at that will make us look like failures but at the same time, there is also always something out there that will make us look and feel successful. God tells us in His word that there is nothing new under the sun that man will go through, and with Him all things are possible.

If God didn't think you still had a chance and were valuable, do you really think He would allow you to use up oxygen for no good reason? I don't think so... He would take you home.

But since you are still breathing and obviously still able to read, lets focus on all the great things we have going for us and share them with others to make them feel good as well.

Get up and stop whining already!

It never ceases to amaze and even upset me when I speak with those who want change in their life and complain about the way things are but yet are unwilling to do anything about it.
When the man who was sick for 38 years complained about his condition and that no one would help him, Jesus didn't sit down, grab his hand and say, "Oh! You poor man, everyone is so mean spirited, I feel so bad for you." He said "Get up!" and it wasn't until the man make a conscience effort to get up that he got well.

If you want things to get better in your health, in your finances or in your relationships, GET UP! already and quit whining about it!

Remember, Jesus turned water into wine but he didn't turn the whiners into anything.

Why not right now, list everything about your life you do not like. Write each item down and then arrange them in the order of importance. Then and here comes the only thing that will make a difference. Get up and do something about it and start today! If you don't know where to start, email me and I will help you find the first step. bobwagner@bobwagner.org

Is Your Church Growth From Heavens Work or Hells?

“Churches that grow at the expense of another’s loss are prospering from the devil’s work.”

****

In one of the towns I was ministering in there was a church that was experiencing explosive growth. In conversation with one of the pastors of this church I told him how much of a blessing it was to see his church growing so rapidly. I then asked him the following question: “Is your growth due to more un-churched people coming into fellowship or is it because there are so many other churches losing people?” His expression changed instantly from gladness to sadness. “Our growth is from other churches’ loss,” he humbly replied.

Churches that grow at the expense of another’s loss are prospering from the devil’s work. Don’t boast over that kind of growth. Open your doors to anyone who needs to be fed but if you really want to be successful in ministry you must teach your church how to evangelize the lost and un-churched. While a church should be a hospital for the sick, we are not called to create “Christian Maintenance Facilities.” We are called to create disciples and to reach the lost.

If your church is not teaching people how to handle the atheist and the agnostic, how to talk to the un-churched, their neighbors and loved ones, and how to lead people to the Lord, then it is not equipping them to accomplish the great commission. You must restructure what you are doing if you want to be in line with God’s word. There is plenty of material out there that will assist you. Why not call a meeting with your Pastor, Director of Education, or Sunday School Administrator and help them come up with a plan to do what Jesus asked you to do? Then you can boast in the Lord all you want

This posting is an excerpt from "Hey Church! Your Fly is Open!"

Read This First!

How much do you read? Oh! And I don’t mean the back of the cereal box. I mean how often do you read about subjects that you have a passion about? Ok maybe you have a passion for cereal boxes. How often do you enrich your mind with things that will cause you to grow; spiritually, as a parent, a spouse, an employee etc? If you are not reading and studying, you are not growing.

Let’s look at what some of the worlds leading authorities on success say.

Jim Rohn, perhaps the world's leading motivator and speaker says you can judge a person's bank account by the size of his/her library. Marketing guru Dan Kennedy says he's observed that people with tiny bank accounts tend to have no libraries, but they usually have big TVs.

A Stanford University study has indicated that if you read 30-60 minutes each day in your field of interest, in 4-5 years you will be a national authority.

A Harvard study shows that those who are readers are more positive, optimistic and excited. Those who are not readers are more negative, pessimistic and doubtful about their future.

'The man who never reads will never be read; he who never quotes will never be quoted. He who will not use the thoughts of other men's brains proves he has no brain of his own.' Charles H. Spurgeon

Had enough? Ok then. One of the quickest ways to health wealth and wisdom is through learning and one of the easiest ways to learn is to read.

How would you like to be smarter then almost everyone you come in contact with?

Start reading 2 books. First read the bible, especially the book of Proverbs everyday. Just one chapter a day each month starting with today’s date. If it is the 8^th of the month, then read chapter eight, tomorrow read chapter nine, so on and so forth. Next month start all over again. Why will Proverbs make you smart? Because it was written by Solomon, the wisest man to ever walk the face of the earth. After you read the chapter, write down how you can apply what you read in your life. If you keep doing this, you will not only think like Solomon, you will begin to act like him as well.

The next book you should read is anything that pertains to an area of your life that you would like to see increase in. If you want to get closer to your spouse, find books on relationship building, or becoming a strong man or woman of God. A better parent, read about parenting, if you need an increase in your financial portfolio, read books on stewardship and investing; “Rich Dad Poor Dad” is a great one, you can find a link on my Blog for his website. If you want to be a better boss, start with a book called “Jesus, CEO” by Laurie Beth Jones, you can find her book at ChristianBook.com, there is a link to your left for this site as well. If you want to be a better teacher or leader, read “The 7 Laws of the Learner” by Bruce Wilkerson, you will have a totally different outlook on our education system, I promise you.

Oh! Yeah! Want to learn how you and your church can become all God wants you to? Read “Hey Church! You Fly is Open” That link is to your left as well.

Folks, the bottom line is: “As a man thinketh, so as he is” and “What comes out must first be put in.”

You want to stay where you are at, go back to the cereal box.

Discipline or Punish?

Discipline or Punishment By Bob Wagner I often have parents come to me and ask; “What do I do with my child? I whip them, I send them to their room, I take away their toys, I yell and scream and it doesn’t work; if I hit them any harder they will arrest me for child abuse. What can I do?” My reply is always the same, “Stop punishing them when they do things wrong and start disciplining them.” The parents at this point usually get that “Deer in the headlight” look and say, “What do you mean?” I then begin to explain that most parents believe that punishment and discipline have the same meaning but that is far from the truth. Let’s take a look: Discipline: Old French, from Latin disciplina teaching, learning, from disciples pupil. Training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character. Punish: Middle French puniss-, stem of punir, from Latin punire, from poena penalty to impose a penalty on for a fault, offense, or violation a : to inflict a penalty for the commission of (an offense) in retribution or retaliation to deal with roughly or harshly b : to inflict injury on. There is a big difference between training and imposing a penalty or inflicting injury on a person. A child should be punished ONLY AFTER all forms of teaching are exhausted and when used in conjunction with teaching. Punishing your child is the easy way out, or is it? If punishment is the primary disciplinary action to bring correction to a situation, you are teaching your children that they are not to do things because of fear of receiving pain or losing something they enjoy rather then because it is wrong. Paddle them and in 15 minutes the pain is gone, take away the toy and in 15 minutes they forget about it. Teach them and it will always be in their mind forever. The bible tells parents not to provoke their children to anger. When you spank your child or take away something they like you will cause the child to get angry. Angry children do not want to get close to the ones who hurt them and actually distance themselves from the parent causing the pain. Once a child gets angry two things can happen; They can direct that anger toward the parents and that will usually cause them to be punished more, thus resulting in more anger and/or they begin to direct their anger someplace else; they may throw things, or kick, punch and hit. I knew a child that would slap himself when he did things wrong, (I guess he knew it would eventually come from his parents and he wanted to beat them to it). Some children become bullies and take their anger out on the playground or at school. They hit and yell at the other children who do things they think are wrong. Hmm, I wonder where they picked that habit up. It may be easy to punish your children, but trust me; you will spend more time later in the principles office, the lawyer’s office, and the therapists or councilor’s office trying to change your child's destructive behavior then you will be by teaching them correctly the first time. Punishment rarely works If you ever had to punish your child more than one or two times for the same thing it is because the child didn't learn. They didn’t learn because they weren't taught properly. To prove that punishment by itself does not work, all we have to do is look at our prison system. According to an article by Crime.org, in 1980, as many as 27,000 parolee violators returned to prisons. By 2000, this number increased to 203,000. This amount represents a 652 percent increase. While many government prison rehabilitation programs report only a 20% success rate, programs that center on teaching have an 80% or better success rate. Parents; Don’t use an unsuccessful program as a guideline to correct your child. If what you are doing is not working, try something else! Discipline takes time and effort. It takes time to sit down with a child and teach them on their level all the reasons they should not behave in negative ways. It takes time to change techniques when we see they are not grasping what we are saying and it takes effort to be creative enough to get through to them. Most parents are not willing to invest the time and effort into their children so they settle for the quick way out by saying things like, "Go to your room!" or they use the back of their hand. If that is you, I suggest you take the time to teach, make the effort to get through. Do what it takes and you will be glad you did. If you don't, you are gambling with your loved one's life and future! So when do I punish? Use punishment AFTER you have exhausted all other means to get through to your child. As far as physical punishment such as spanking, I have only had to physically punish my children a few times in over 21 years of parenting and in those cases it was always when time was of the essence. For example, if a child is reaching for a hot stove, I would rather have them feel the pain from a slap on their hand than to be burned. If I had taken the time to teach them about being burned before that incident it may never have occurred. (I could have possibly taken a piece of chicken meat and showed them what would happen to their hand by holding the meat on the burner.) Teach through punishment When you have to punish, you must always teach the child why they are being punished. They must understand that the punishment is one of the consequences for not following the rules, but they must first know and understand the rules. Have them tell you why they are being punished and what behavior will prevent it from happening again. Have them also tell you why they should not do the wrong thing and the answer should not be because they will get punished. You can choose not to speed because you cannot afford the price of a ticket or you can choose not to speed because you can loose control and get in an accident that can cause injury and death to yourself or others. (I once met a man who said he can speed because he could afford the tickets!!) Example of discipline triumphing over punishment. I had a young girl in my youth group that was caught 'Huffing" Freon from the churches A/C unit. (Huffing is when you release an air conditioners Freon into a baggie and then inhale it. It will cause the oxygen to your brain to freeze and give you a few seconds of lightheadedness.) I was the one who had to inform her parents of what their child did and the dangers of her actions. Of course her parents were outraged and wanted to ground her for months. I asked the father to try something different instead. Rather then using punishment as a deterrent, I suggested he make his daughter go online and do research on the dangers of "Huffing" and then write a report on the matter that she found so enjoyable. A week later, I got a call from the girl asking if she can read her report to the entire youth group. She shared about the dangers of possible immediate death, the destruction of brain cells and bone marrow, becoming mentally unstable and physically handicapped. She did so with such passion, she convinced all of her peers to stay away and help others to do the same. Today she is a student at UNC Wilmington and desires to go into the ministry. Love them through punishment and discipline Always make sure that your love for the child is evident through the entire process. Never treat the child like an outcast or enemy. Never say things like, "Get out of my face" or "I can't stand you". Remember words hurt and they also influence a child's self esteem. You can be loving, kind and firm at the same time. You don't have to yell and scream or act like some Ogre or mean old witch to teach your children how to do right. Words like, "Get your butt in here" or "Sit down and shut up" are not words filled with kindness and love. Who wants to learn from someone like that anyway? I stay away from people who talk like that and to be honest, if you are going to talk to me like that, even if I did something wrong, I will not pay any attention to a thing your saying. Remember Charlie Brown when the parents talked? All you heard was, "Wa, wa, wa". That is what your children hear when you speak negatively. Besides when you speak like that you teach your children to do the same. Remember "NO!" means the same as "no" and "Please come here, sit down and be quiet for a few minutes" means that same as "Sit down and Shut up!" You are not the child's enemy, don't act like one. It is fine to discipline your children and hug and loved on them while they were being punished and taught As a matter of fact when you have to discipline them, that is a time when you should intentionally get closer so they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was their actions you didn't like, not them. No matter how old we get, not matter how intelligent we become, we will make mistakes and do things wrong. Can you imagine your boss putting you in the time out corner because you came in late again or seeing a police officer with a person he just pulled for speeding over his knee getting a spanking? That is humiliating at any age. Teach your children, love them and build them up. They are gift from God. Be understanding when they mess up. Remember we adults mess up too, we have just figured out how to shift the blame or hide our mistakes better then they have. If you enjoyed this article and would like to join our free newsletter visit www.bobwagner.org